It is difficult to control your emotions at moments like this, but you must find the strength. You can’t let your loved one know how frightened you are; instead remain upbeat and positive, even when your loved one tells you they don’t think they will ever see home again. It’s rough when they think they are going to die...you must convince them otherwise. Your loved one needs hope, something to hold onto, just as you do.
How do you do it? You reach deep down inside yourself and find that determination that will help you cope. Then hang on to it for dear life; never waver or you will sink into he depths of despair, from which you may not return. Grim determination and a positive attitude somehow go hand in hand. Learn to hang on tight, keep your sense of humor and you’ll make it.
At first our routine was a killer...my back was telling the tale. I asked the physical therapist for help and she taught me ow to transfer a patient from a bed to a wheelchair without hurting my back. The nurses taught how to feed and medicate my husband through a G tube.
It was all worth it! We found a routine that worked for us. The main problem was that Wayne slept all day and would be awake all night. This required some adjusting on my part. I have always been a night person, but I had to be awake all day too, or at least most of the day to take care of my mother, who was also staying with us in the apartment, since Pamela brought her to Portland and had gone back to London.
I would try to sleep when Wayne slept, or at least part of the time. I usually got about five to six hours in small spurts and I stayed awake from midnight until six in the morning. We adjusted, as usual...what more could we do?
When he was in dialysis for four hours, I did all the shopping and treated myself and Mom to a lunch out once in awhile. This wasn’t the easiest time for me, Mother, or my husband, but we managed with the help of all our friends.
It is certainly a time when you need your friends and family. It isn’t easy when you are living two hundred miles away. Your mind is cluttered with thoughts during a time like this. You miss your home and the little luxuries that you enjoyed. I kept thinking about our dock and how it needed to be refinished. I sure missed sitting out there, with a gentle breeze blowing and a tall iced tea in my hand, watching the sky divers float down in their colorful parachutes. We always loved our deck. We had breakfast there often during the spring and summer. Now, it was summer and I missed those wonderful times with my husband. I knew that it would never be the same again, but I could always hold on to those memories. I just hoped and prayed that someday soon we could be home leading a normal life again. But I knew that dream meant a lot of hard work and dedication to making a little progress each day.