Saturday, October 27, 2012


     There are many stages of grief, and some recur.  For example, you might have just begun to compose yourself when someone’s sympathy brings the tears again.  We mourn the loss of our loved one not only because they are gone, but because we are alone to face the world without them.  Sometimes after a death we become angry at our loved one for leaving us alone, even though it isn’t their fault.  We are hurt, devastated and finally angry.  We often discover that we are angry with ourselves for not saying what was in our hearts before it was too late.  So often we hold back our thoughts.  We hesitate to say what is in our hearts.  We need to say, “I love you” when they can hear us, not after they are gone.
     For some there are too many unresolved feelings that can lead to depression and illness, even self-abuse.  The us of alcohol or drugs will simply prolong the agony.  Sometimes counseling is needed to help us through.
     Grief counseling is available through your clergyman or counselors, or through grief seminars.  These seminars bring together groups of people who share their feelings of loss, frustration, anger and resentment, with the goal of finding peace and contentment in their lives.  It is helpful to be with people who are grieving for their loves ones, the same as you.  It is an emotional time, but the ultimate release of these emotions brings a calm contentment that lets you get on with your life.  Most people who come to the group angry or depressed leave calm and ready to resume their life again.  They come to accept dying as a part of living.
     If you believe in the hereafter, it makes death easier to accept, knowing that it is the beginning of a different life, filled with happiness and free of pain.  Sometimes this makes it easier to bear.
     My mother grieved by staying busy.  Se redecorated the whole house, bought new furniture and bedspreads, and stayed active with her projects.  Of course, she didn’t like being alone.  That is a problem for some people, the fear of being alone in a big house.  You usually have family around for a while, but when they leave you are alone with your thoughts. 
     I found that the best way to forget about your fears and your problems is to do something for others.  You can’t think about yourself when you are helping others.  For me it works, but everyone is different.  We all grieve in our own way.  What is good for me may not be good for you.  Find your way.
     Some people have a hard time accepting the loss of a loved one.  They go into denial and won’t talk about it at all.  They prefer to think of their loved one as away, with the thought that they will come through the door someday.
     Closure, that is what is needed.  When there is no funeral it may be easier on the family at the time, but sometimes they fail to receive closure.  The funeral makes it final.  At least conduct a graveside memorial service with the family around.
     Your love one will always be alive through memories, pictures, and maybe videos.  There will always be a corner of your heart reserved for your lost loved one.

More things are brought by prayer than this world realizes.

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