MORE ATTITUDE

     Have you ever gotten up and felt wonderful?  The birds are singing, the sun is shining and the world is beautiful.  Then you meet someone who is in a grumpy mood and who can’t see the beauty of the morning.  They might make a remark that angers you and by the time you get to work, your mood has changed and you are ready to bark at everyone.  It is funny how someone else’s bad mood can be contagious.  You start out happy and end up wanting to kick the cat.

     I have learned to pity those grumpy people I meet, but I won’t let them ruin my day.  Instead of taking on their mood, I try to coax them out of their bad mood with a little humor or perhaps just by listening to their problems.  Sometimes my approach works and they begin to look at things differently.  At least it is worth a try.  After all, we all need help once in a while.

     When you are beset with worry and stress, it is hard to remain upbeat.  How do you stay positive in stressful situations?  No matter how difficult the situation.  I try to find the good in everything.  There is always something hopeful in every ordeal, even if it only serves to bring you closer to your family.

      How can you count your blessings when you’re miserable and worried?  Naturally, it is difficult, but you can do it if you try.  Seek inspirational books or tapes and surround yourself with caring optimistic friends.  Find a friend who will listen while you blow off steam.  Sometimes you’ll discover that all you need is someone to listen Someone with a smile.

     Have you every known someone who is always smiling, always upbeat?  They are a pleasure to work with and they make you feel good, even when you are down.  So why aren’t we all like that?  It would make life so much more enjoyable.

     It appears that this type of person most often gets wheat they want---or is it that they just want what they get?

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

We live with words every day.  We have words for everything, but, there is one word that is the most important word of all.

     The word is attitude!  The way you look at life.  Everything I have learned about attitude proves that it is one of the most important keys for a healthy and productive life.  Without a good attitude, nothing seems to go right.

     “If you have a good attitude good things seem to come to you, if you have a great attitude, great things happen, and if you have a so-so attitude, your world will be just so-so.” So said Earl Nightingale, one of the my favorite motivational speakers, on his Nightingale/Conant Insight tapes.  He also said the following:

     “How is your attitude?  Here is a way to find out just how your attitude is.  Answer this question with a yes or no. ‘Do you feel the world is treating you well?”

     “If you answer yes without hesitation, your attitude is good.  If you answer no, your attitude is bad.  If you can’t really answer yes or no, you are average.
     “Our world is a reflection of our attitude.  It’s up to you.”

     I feel that Mr. Nightingale hit the nail right on the head.

     It will help if you can keep a positive attitude.  It has been said that “Attitude is everything!”  I feel that is a true statement.  It is our perception of a situation that makes it positive or negative.  When a situation arises that takes control of your life and your patient’s life, it upsets the balance of things.  If you perceive it as negative your muscles will tense, you will get a headache, a backache, shortness of breath, and a racing heart.

     If you perceive a situation as positive you will relax and go with the the flow, with no bad experiences.  It is far easier on the body and the mind to keep a positive attitude.  Work around problems and sometimes it works out better in the long run.  Don’t sweat the little things.  As they say, “They are all little things.”

CONTINUATION OF ABUSE

     Abuse usually occurs when arguments take place, stress builds to the boiling point, then someone loses their temper and it happens.  Many things can contribute to an abusive situation.  Stress is created by bringing a parent into a home for care, with all the demands associated with caregiving.  There can be financial problems that stretch the budget beyond its limits.  Perhaps one caregiver is making too many sacrifices to fill the needs of the person who is ill or elderly.  Sometimes a lack of physical and mental support for both parties leads to problems.  The isolation of a caregiving situation can make the caregiver feel lost or trapped.  Even the family problems that existed before the patient moved in are now blown all out of proportion under pressure of the confined circumstances.

     It doesn’t take too much to set a person off and anyone can become an abuser.

     In the United States, forty-eight states have laws against elder abuse.  In Oregon, there are laws specifically focused on abuse of persons sixty-five or older, including sanctions against injury of, neglect of, or failure to care for residents of any age in nursing homes, and protective service to anyone over eighteen who is aged, blind or disabled.

     The law requires that physicians, nurses, hospital staff, county health workers, human resource employees, therapists, counselors, and police officers must report possible abuse cases.  Private citizens, clergy and relatives of nursing home residents should also report abuse cases.  We must all be on the outlook for problems.

     The people who just want someone to help them get through their last years on Earth shouldn’t be miserable.  These people have already lost their homes, belongings, freedom, and now someone is yelling and screaming at them, and sometimes hitting them, just because they are old and cannot fight back.

     Parents are supposed to be loved and cherished as they grow older and can no longer care for themselves.  It is up to us as caregivers to do the best we can to make their last years as comfortable as possible---even when they have a bad attitude.  It isn’e easy sometimes, but they are our parents and they need us, just as we needed them when we were small and helpless.  Now they’re helpless and looking to us for care in their  “Golden Years.”  Cherish and take good care of your loved ones---they will be gone too soon.  Make sure the last memories you hold of them are happy ones.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

I’d rather one should walk with me than merely show the way

                                 

                                            Edgar A Guest

ELDER ABUSE

WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE TO AN ELDER

     The National Center on Elder Abuse lists the following indicators as important clues to, but not necessarily signifying, possible abuse.

•   Bruises, burns or cuts
•   Dehydrated or malnourished appearance
•   Signs of confinement (tied to furniture, locked in room)
•   Anxiety, confusion, withdrawal or depression
•   Lack of cleanliness, grooming
•   Sudden bank account withdrawals or closings
•   Overmedication or over-sedation
•   Expressions of shame, embarrassment, and fear

WHY WOULD A CAREGIVER BECOME ABUSIVE?

     Abuse tends to occur when the stress level of the caregiver is heightened as an elder’s condition worsens.  Elders in poor health are thus more likely to be abused than those in good health.

     Caring for frail older people often places great strain on a caregiver, particularly when: an elder patient is mentally or physically impaired, the caregiver is ill-prepared for the task, or necessary caregiving resources are absent.  Under these circumstances, the increased stress and frustration experienced by a caregiver may lead to the abuse of an elder patient.

CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ABUSIVE CAREGIVER

     Pay attention to the following signals which may demonstrate that a caregiver has become abusive.  The caregiver:

•   Forbids the older person to speak for him or herself without the presence of the      caregiver;
•   Threatens, insults and demonstrates aggressive behavior;
•   Demonstrates an attitude of indifference or anger toward the older person;
•   Demonstrates problems with alcohol or drugs;
•   Has a previous history of abuse;  Demonstrates an obvious lack of assistance to the elder person.

     Caregivers, about on in ten, lose control once in a while.  Elder abuse can be physical, emotional, financial, or any combination of these.  It can take many forms, such as:

•   Hitting or slapping
•   Withholding food or medication
•   Physical restraints, when unnecessary
•   Yelling insults or threatening violence
•   Misuse of funds
•   Theft
•   Physical neglect
•   Emotional neglect
•   Sexual abuse

  Financial exploitation

     Often the elderly person who is being abused won’t talk about it.  They fear that they’ll lose their care and love.  The family setting can look ideal, but abuse can be hidden, especially emotional abuse.

THE DARK SIDE

THE DARK SIDE

When caring for others you learn a lot about yourself.  You are sometimes forced to confront your dark side, the aspect of all of us that thinks terrible thought, like wishing it would all end and you could just walk away from all the problems. or you might find yourself wishing your loved one will just die and be done with it.

     Sometimes we say things that we don’t mean when we’re tired, angry or feeling overwhelmed.  These hurtful, mean words may just be frustration speaking.

     When you find yourself dwelling on vicious or destructive thoughts, you meet your dark side and it is a frightening moment.  You might wonder if you are going off the deep end?  You wonder how you could think evil or unkind thoughts about someone you love?  You can and you will.

     You mull over your bleak thoughts and ask yourself the meaning of your pessimism and pain.  It is you?  Are you losing control?  Maybe that’s it...you are losing control, control over your life, by adding another generation into your home.  Someone has invaded your space, changed your lifestyle, taken away your freedom, and suddenly you have to rearrange your priorities and routines to accommodate them.  Maybe all your plans for the future are either put on hold or cancelled.  Control...maybe that’s the problem.  Understanding the problem can make it so much easier to face.

     But facing your dark side doesn’t take it away; you just learn to live with it.  There were many times when I wished that my suffering would end.  I was so tired and I couldn’t keep doing everything.  I would get short with Mother and Wayne’s erratic behavior and it would bring me to tears.  I wanted to scream or hit something or just run away and leave the mess for someone else.

     I can certainly see why some people run away from home.  They just can’t cope anymore and need to leave to be free from all the responsibility.  I can also understand, to a small degree, how people can abuse someone they are caring for when stress is about to break them.  Everyone feels close to breaking at sometime or another.  But it is how we handle those difficult feelings that counts.  Look for solutions.  Talk it out, work it out, cook it out, write it out, but find your way to work through these dark feelings.  You are not alone.

     This is where a support group might help you.  You could talk with people who are in the same situation that you are facing.  There is nothing quite as nice as finding someone who will listen and understand what you are feeling, simply because they have had the same feeling sometime during their caregiving time.  It is wonderful to know that you are not alone and that others have had the same dark thoughts that have been going through your mind.  You are not crazy, even though sometimes you think you are.

     Learn to understand your dark side and it will be easier to deal with.  It will also help to have a friend with whom to discuss your feeling.  I would have gone crazy without my friend...my journal...I wrote it every night.

     While I am on the subject of the dark side and how it can lead to abuse, I think it is worthwhile to define what elder abuse is.  According to the Senior News Network, elder abuse is defined as the mistreatment of an elderly person by a caregiver or relative. Not only physical abuse, but mental abuse as well.  Victims generally do not report it, or afraid of reprisals if they speak up.  These reasons are largely why elder abuse is one of the most under-recognized and under-reported problems in the United States.  At greatest risk are the frail and isolated elderly.

     The National Aging Resource Center of Elder Abuse estimates the incidence of abuse in domestic settings at approximately two million cases per year, although it is difficult to determine the exact scope of this hidden problem.  Only one out of fourteen incidents actually comes to the attention of authorities.

EMERGENCY BELL

EMERGENCY BELL

I am always looking for something to make life easier for my loved ones while I am caring for them. A friend of mine told me about an idea he had for his wife. His wife was very ill he needed something for her to use to call him in case she needed help.  He had these all over his house.

     It is a doorbell...not the normal doorbell, but one with multiple bell buttons.  He placed these buttons in places where his wife might need help, such as: next to the commode, on the wall next to the tub, in her bedroom on the headboard, and next to her chair in front of the television and attached to her wheelchair.  It was ingenious!  She could push the button with little effort, to call for help anytime she needed it.  

     This is something I could have used while caring for my elderly Mother-in-law, who was confined to bed. 

     It costs very little and gives your loved one so much more control over their care.  They will love it.  He keeps the doorbell in his office, where he works all day, and can go to her aid anytime she needs him.

     He could go out to work in the garden and take the doorbell with him, so if she needed him he would know.  What a good instrument to help the caregiver.  Your loved one will be happy too, because she will then be a little more in control of her life.  To the ill person...that is important.

     We lose all control of our life when we need a caregiver.  You would think that would not be so, but it is.  Even though the caregiver is family, you still lose control of everything you are used to doing on a daily basis.  This little doorbell gives you back a little of that control.

     If you are a caregiver, you might want to look into getting one of these doorbell for your loved one.  It will give you peace of mind.

CONTINUATION OF BED BATH

       When a patient is bedridden, the circulation isn’t as good as it should be.  A gentle massage can improve the circulation and give the patient a feeling of well-being.  Don’t stop with the back; gently massage the arms, legs, and feet.  Using an upward motion, massage up with the heel of the hand and then circle around and massage down.  Continue rubbing long enough for it to be effective, from three to five minutes.  Your patient will love it.

     Help the patient to put on a gown or pajamas.  Comb the patient’s hair and arrange it comfortably.  Remove all bath equipment.  Now your patient is ready for the day, or perhaps a nap.

     If your patient is not able to dress himself, you will have to provide assistance.  Perhaps you will be picking out the type of clothes they will wear.  Encourage your loved one to get dressed and not to sit around in a nightgown and robe.  When the patient is dressed to go out into the world, they feel better.  Sitting around in a robe tends to lead to a depressed state.  You don’t want that.  You want your loved one to feel as though they could go out of the house anytime, even if they have to be in a wheelchair.  If your loved one is in bed all the time, their lack of good circulation may leave them feeling cold.  In this case, I have found that sweatsuits work well to warm their fragile body.  The soft fleece lining in sweatpants tends to warm their legs and help the circulation.  Warmth and message will help improve circulation, at least temporarily.

     When the patient is immobile it helps to have a sweater or warm shawl.  It seems that the shoulders and back get cold when just sitting.  It takes some extra care to keep them warm.  A lap robe is good to keep the legs warm too.

     It is important to brush or comb the patient’s hair and keep them looking and feeling neat and clean.  No one likes to have company if their hair isn’t fixed properly.  I know that my mother was always asking me if her hair looked all right.  She wanted to look her best at all times...and she did.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

•   Always use a rubber sheet or plastic under a draw sheet on the patient’s bed.
•   Warm the room before bathing
•   Have all needed supplies close at hand
•   Warm a blanket in the dryer to cover the patient while bathing
•   Put a second blanket in the dryer to keep the patient warm when you are finished
•   Talk to the patient during the bath to keep them comfortable
•   Gently massage the patient’s back, legs, and feet to increase circulation
•   Remember to smile and keep a positive attitude
•   Report any unusual conditions observed to the doctor